Where in the midst of darkness shines
Joy casts out all over its corner
With every flowering word you uttered.
Miles and miles keep us entirely apart
But it feels like you're always right next at my side
You stay in my heart whenever I might
The "I love you's" you said strike like lightning inside.
I miss your care and sweetness
Those laughter and talks we used to share
To be with you for a second might like reaching the moon
But I keep the pieces of faith I hold
Days turn to years unnoticed
Not missing any second without your thoughts in me
The love you've shown is something I truly cherish
Keeping me, you said, is your greatest wish.
Moments of revelation do come more often
My mouth falls disbelievingly
You confess one secret then another
Accepting is hard like getting off from a ton of rocks under.
Hundred kinds of pain all over
Thousand of tears run down like river
Those are nothing for each others' vows
Certainly love does conquers all.
Disturbing heart and mind battles
You said you've forgotten her
I believe you because trust is all I offer
But a part of me says, no-not yet-never!
Your past troubles me night by night
Drift in the depths of thoughts
Wondering and seeking for answers
Frightened to know which are lies and truth.
We argue and exchange heartaches
The issue just blown up like a boom!
Your words are like bombs in my head
Ashes suffocate me slowly
"I TRIED to make distance with her
But why when it comes to her you act
so strangely? Look! She's nice."
These statements are like in dilapidated CD
That keeps on repeating, sinking in my memory
Unmindful question never knowing the wounds
Intense cuts and stabs it bears
My core is trembling and shaking in pain
Leaving all bitter words unsaid
Doubts start to play in mind
Questioning this love you have
"Am I truly alone in there?"
"Are your words true or you lied through your teeth?
Typhoons of doubts grows stronger
Crashing through the building of trust I build
Powerhouse of love weakens; energy loosens
Unstoppable rainfall covers my whole being.
My heart cries out painfully
"Why? Why?", it's all I can ask
Asking further might turn me sick and numb
While I'm completely drawn in big cubes of ice.
If 3 years is a sort of a game for you...
Mouth closely shut, eyes showing tears
Tears fall down my cheeks once more
While seeing my dominoes of dreams fall
On top of mountain high
Standing alone, wanting to shout with despair
Yell out until you hear my cries and sobs
I only hear the echoes disappear from a far
"Oh, Lord! Hear my heart--- crying
All I need is YOU near
Put me out from this never-ending chaos
To see more the beauty of life still untold.
I see a hand touching my chin
With the wound on His palm
I know it's Him, then I closed my eyes
As my heart cries of relief and delight.
"Oh, my dear child, here I am.
Shed those tears, I will never leave."
His Hand cast off my tears
Who my thirsty soul and weak heart seek
I look up and see the bright blue sky
I smile with hope; a heart with love
A spirit with a life reborn
I know and I feel that I'm never alone.
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Bottomline:
I wrote this last 24th of July and revised it every night. It's quite TOO long, right? For me, it's fine. But I hope you will not be pissed off of its length. :)
More often, I cant express myself through spoken words but maybe this poem helps out for me to do so. Keeping it more is not doing any good, but saying it sometimes hurts more. Admitting that we [you and me] are parting ways with NO official words nor goodbyes is painful --- as swallowing a stone.
I don't think that it's only me who felt this pain, maybe you also felt same way. Just wanna let you know, I ain't mad at you. I understand. I respect your decisions. I will STOP hoping for nothing.
I don't have the courage to open this thing up to my dearest peers, because thinking of the words to say, of the emotions I feel-- it drifts me off.
Take care of yourself. I know you'll be fine because she's just right next your side, ready to check you if you're fine or not. :|
I'll be OK. :)
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